okay so after re-reading michael’s messages (good one laura, that was such a good idea and it definitely has helped you not want to rip your heart our of your chest right now) he never said that he didn’t like me back, but he also said that he hadn’t intended on us hooking up again, but then he said that the reason that he didn’t want to be with me right now is that he didn’t want a relationship, but then he was clearly lying about that because he did end up in a relationship with ashley (who is rude and shallow and blonde) so maybe he was lying about how he was feeling towards me (or not even lying really because he never told me that he didn’t have feelings for me, just that he didn’t want a relationship and that he still wanted me in his life because he values me or some shit) and maybe nat is correct and maybe he did say that he liked me too (i am 90% sure that you meant not as just friends because you wouldn’t have said it like that surely), but the thing is that no matter what the answer is to the fucked up mess in my brain (that i will never, ever get an answer to by the way) it doesn’t matter because you’re dead and i am lost and maybe you never liked me back, but maybe you did but in the end it doesn’t really matter but it definitely does because i love you and i think that deep down you loved me too but were too scared because i’m the fucked up choice and i know that it will never bring you back or repair my heart but the thing is it would be really nice to know that i was loved by you and maybe you changed your mind in between our conversation and talking to nat and maybe thats why this doesnt make sense eughbibdeuo;wbf’ too fucking much
“Fuck them, then chuck them. I like it that you’ve learnt so young,” says the drunk lady at The Irish to me.
#lols this kind of made me feel like crap
#who wouldn’t be cynical if you had been left damaged so immensely so many times
- I want to go home with you, but for right now we are not right for each other, but someday we will be and that is okay
- I miss you and the other night I forgot that you are gone forever and then I realised and the information just didn’t comprehend in my brain
- I think I will always love you (even if it’s only a little bit) for the rest of my life, it’s like you’re stuck in my heart and I can’t get rid of you no matter what
- I forgot why I loved you so much for all those years, it’s so easy for me to define you as what you did to me that day, but underneath it all you are hilarious and smart as hell and you really do love your family
- I loathe you and what you have made me become, I can’t sleep any more without seeing your face or feeling your heavy body against mine or your hands around my wrists
- I really like you, you’re fucking weird and you’re exactly the type of guy I love, and that’s why I will continue to keep you at arm’s length (p.s. please stop flirtatiously staring at me/trying so hard to make me like you)
- Nobody breaks my heart (I will convince myself of this)
- because people lie and manipulate the truth
- because people think of themselves and whatever little piece of happiness they can add to their lives no matter how badly they hurt/irreparably destroy others who they ‘care’ about
- because people don’t love you back
- because people rape/abuse/damage others
- because people leave and don’t look back
- because people die
Please don’t hurt me again. I know you, and I know that this is just you trying to convince me to like you, because you must be liked, but the thing is you’ve done this to me before and what you say isn’t necessarily what you mean, and in all honesty I kind of hoped that this was all done for good now and I don’t really see the point in opening old wounds.
Eughhhhh you weren’t in a relationship on facebook a few days ago, which means that you have hacked into his facebook and changed his relationship status to be in one with you, which also means that you have seen the messages that i’ve sent him and also means that there is no hiding from the fact that he chose you now. So petty in comparison to everything else, but it still hurts.
(Source: giantmouse, via dearlydamaged)
- I miss you
- I am angry at you for speeding
- I am so confused/annoyed as to why you didn’t just tell me the truth
- I feel guilty for being angry/annoyed
- I can’t stop thinking about your parents
- I can’t stop thinking about you
- I hate it when songs come on at work which remind me of you because it makes me want to cry right then and there
- I am sick of crying myself to sleep every damn night
- I am jelous of a girl who is everything I’m not (and who is also grieving)
- I am so heartbroken, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover
- I hate how fucking awful/unfair/devastating this is
- I just fucking miss you so, so much
- Today is the first day in the past month and a half that I haven’t wanted to die. It still hurts every second of the day, but I didn’t want to die today.
- I feel like I’ve had to do this all alone, and it’s just too much for one person to handle, but I have literally no one right now.
- I know that you have your new girlfriend now, and that it’s complicated between us and that we’re not really just friends, but you told me that I’m not alone, and then you left, and I have never felt so lonely in my entire life.
- I am slowly dying piece by piece and literally no one cares or has even noticed.
- I need you, but you’re not here, and I know it’s for a good reason, but I really need you to be here.
- I would never ask for help, but I need someone, anyone to just listen, that’s all.
I know that you are busy with your new job, and I genuinely am happy for you and I know how selfish this makes me for thinking, but how do you not see how badly I’m doing? All the things you were describing about me (that I never eat, that I lock myself up in my room, that I sleep until I have to leave for work, that I don’t seem to care about my own health), how do you make that about you? How do you not see that Michael is dead and I am heartbroken worse than I ever even imagined possible and I am clearly not dealing?
